I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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