took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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