the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
