I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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