trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
