She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
