chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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