dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He kissed a someone with a penis
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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