i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize