I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
