Even the bartender felt bad for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
