he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
