I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
