We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
