Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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