You're completely useless in the revolution.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize