Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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