New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We had sex on a dog bed..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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