She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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