I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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