you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
