i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
