Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
