you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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