did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
