There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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