talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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