btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
