We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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