you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
