I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
