Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
