did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
