i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
