Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
