If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
