I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
