Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
