my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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