So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
