don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
