Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
