Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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