That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
