and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
