how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
