yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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