You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
