I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
