I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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