so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
