Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
