i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
