I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
