Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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