are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
