A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
