It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
