Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
