one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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