i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We smell like vodka and hangover
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
