you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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