where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
