Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
