He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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