I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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