I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
