If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
