I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was like giving head to a cactus.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
