Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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