oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize