why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
