So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize